


Stull

by verucasalt123



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canonical Character Death, M/M, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-25
Updated: 2013-02-25
Packaged: 2017-11-20 18:33:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/588412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/verucasalt123/pseuds/verucasalt123
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is my own interpretation, of course, of what was happening in Sam’s mind for about the last 30 seconds or so before, well, you know.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stull

**title: Stull**  
 **pairing: Dean/Sam**  
 **rating: R**  
 **a/n: This is not a happy story. But you already know that if you’ve seen the last episode of season 5. If you haven’t, don’t read this. And a very special thank you to escherzo for making this beautiful photo that is specially made for this short little story.**  
 **summary: This is my own interpretation, of course, of what was happening in Sam’s mind for about the last 30 seconds or so before, well, you know.**

I saw everything like it was a speeding-by blur and a super-slow-mo instant replay all at once.

 

Dean knew the choice had already been made, but he came to bed anyway.

 

Dean touched me like I was a holy relic, or a fragile piece of glass that was a thousand years old and had to be treated with reverence.

 

Dean was underneath me in bed, holding on to me as I pushed into him, somehow tempering all the strength I had with all the tenderness I had at the same time.

 

Dean crushed me with all his weight after we were spent, as if there was something from which he could shield me, protect me, save me from, just like always.

 

I woke up with Dean wrapped safely in my arms for what I didn’t dare hope would not be the last time.

 

I thought about everything we’d given each other and taken from each other our whole lives.

 

I remembered him reluctantly letting go of my hand in front of my kindergarten classroom.

 

I realized how many times he’d given me the last of the cereal for breakfast when he knew there was nothing else to eat.

 

I spent a few precious moments going over and over in my mind every last detail of our first kiss.

 

I didn’t cry.

 

I kissed him and held him for as long as I could make it last before we had to go out into the rest of the world.

 

Dean moved aside and said he’d accept my decision to say yes.

 

Dean silently agreed to do what I asked of him, though I knew he’d try but neither of us were sure if he really could.

 

Dean drove me to Detroit.

 

I told Bobby I’d fight for all I was worth.

 

I asked Castiel to tell me a lie.

 

I tried to pretend that I wasn’t really saying goodbye to them, tried to pretend that I hadn’t given and received false promises.

 

Dean agreed when I asked that he not stand there to watch me drink the demon blood I would need to do what I so arrogantly thought I was going to do.

 

Dean walked with me to meet Lucifer face to face and announce my decision.

 

Dean stood beside me even after we realized that the devil had already discovered my plan and took the rings.

 

Dean drove right up to cemetery where I was clawing away inside of Lucifer with every bit of my strength but not even leaving a mark.

 

Dean said over and over again that he knew I was there and that he wouldn’t leave me, curled up inside my body as my hands beat him half to death over the hood of the car.

 

The car.

 

The Legos in the heat vents.

 

The Army man in the ashtray.

 

The initials carved into wood under the upholstery.

 

The arguments.

 

The pranks.

 

The talking.

 

The silence.

 

The music.

 

Dean.

 

Dean saw me.

 

Dean knew it was me.

 

Dean had hope in his eyes and it made me feel even worse.

 

I knew what I had to do.

 

I was absolutely fucking terrified.

 

I was absolutely sure there was no other option.

 

I was falling.

 

I was grabbing onto my half-brother who wasn’t really my half-brother.

 

I was taking him with me.

 

Dean couldn’t move as he watched me.

 

Dean saw that it was me falling.

 

Dean knew Lucifer hadn’t taken that dive.

 

Dean was broken and bloody and lying on the ground the last time I saw him with my own eyes.

 

Dean still loved me, even as the ground closed.

 

I still loved him, even as the light died.

 


End file.
